Why do I keep making the same mistakes?
I’m never going to get this right!
I am no good at this.
Do these phrases sound familiar?
I would wager to say that most of us have had thoughts like these at some point in our musical journey. Whatever form they may take, they all have one thing in common – to bring us down, discourage us, and steal our confidence. Not something you want if you are trying to improve and progress on the flute, or even perform in front of others.
Having had experience with these kinds of thoughts myself, I would like to share some ideas on how to weed out this kind of negative thinking.
Flashback to several years ago. There I was, sitting on my wooden chair, waiting for my music lesson to start. I was a very shy child who suffered from social anxiety. I did not enjoy any attention being put on me or having to perform in front of others, even if it was just my teacher.
I remember having to play my cello and just feeling so paralyzed. All I could think of was how silly I probably looked and how maybe I was pulling my mouth in a funny direction (I had observed this in other players and was convinced I was doing the same!). At this moment, I was purely self-focused, almost drowning in self-consciousness and wishing with all my heart for the spotlight to leave me. Yes, it was that bad – and this was not even on a stage yet!
Your situation may not be as bad as mine, but perhaps you do feel like negative feelings and thoughts are holding you back from fully expressing yourself on the flute.
I would like to share five pieces of advice that eventually helped me to overcome the crippling thoughts that had completely highjacked my mind as a young musician.
1. Identify your thoughts
For some of you, negative thoughts might already be so much a part of your mind’s furniture that you don’t even realize you’re having them. I encourage you to try and be a fly on the wall in your own mind. Try and be aware of your thoughts and how you approach yourself and your practice routine.
Don’t worry, even if you find a thick garden of weeds rife with negativity, being conscious of them is the first step. You may even want to write some of these thoughts down.
If, like me, you find it easier to pinpoint emotions than thoughts, write those down too. Emotions are often closely linked to the thoughts we allow ourselves to entertain. You may be feeling frustrated – ask yourself why. Perhaps you are being impatient and putting pressure on yourself. Thoughts attached to that might sound like this: “I need to get this right now” or “I should be better at this by now.”
When checking in on your thoughts, try and ask yourself – am I motivating myself or tearing myself down with these thoughts? Are they helpful? Would I say them to a friend I was trying to motivate? I am sure that you will quickly recognize the state of your mind’s garden, so to speak!
2. Create a new narrative
Once you’ve written down these negative thoughts, try and think of something encouraging to replace them with. For example, instead of “I always get this part wrong”, try replacing it with “I am working on a solution.”
If it feels strange at first, don’t worry. It might. It may even feel a bit fake. But I want to encourage you to keep at it. Your brain and what you think about yourself, and your playing will eventually seep through to the outside. If left unchecked, negative thoughts may pop up when you least want them to.
So yes, you do need to become your own cheerleader of sorts, not necessarily one who jumps up and down with a victory cry every minute, but at least one who is providing constructive, encouraging, and motivating input to your mind on a regular basis.
Here are some more examples of phrases you may want to use to motivate yourself:
I have what it takes to do this.
I am growing as a player.
I have improved!
I am committed to my own progress.
3. Lift yourself up
You may have heard the saying: Be your own best friend. This is good advice. For some or other reason, a lot of us tend to set the bar a lot higher for ourselves than for others. We are quick to get angry at our silly mistakes or berate ourselves for messing up yet again. Well, no more of that!
How about trying the following: After each practice session, write down at least three things that you did well that day. It could just be – I showed up for my practice session. Write it down so that you can go back and look at it again. Often, we have these moments of victory or breakthrough, only to have them drowned out by moments of frustration. Write down what you did well that day – be it big or small.
Look back on those notes a week, two weeks, or even months later. Research has shown that our brain starts looking for those things we teach it to focus on. So, if you are training your brain to look for positive things, that is what it will start looking for.
4. Engage in regular mental check-ins
Before you pick up your flute, check in with yourself mentally, not just physically. Often, we are so focused on the physical externals i.e. for example: is my posture correct, are my shoulders relaxed, etc, that we forget about our minds. If you find that your thoughts aren’t as confident as they should be – address that! Perhaps you are feeling insecure about your playing like I used to. Had I taken the time to explore my thoughts and feelings a bit more, I might have realized that they were filled with self-judgment and fear.
So, what might have helped me to have a better attitude? Well, perhaps starting with some simple encouragements to myself, such as: “I love music and can’t wait to express that on the cello today”. A small encouragement, a small change of my point of view. Or, instead of: “I’m going to mess up that part again”, try: “I am going to tackle that part slowly and deliberately and continue to improve as I practice”. Whatever phrases or words work for you personally, use those!
5. Do not compare yourself to others
My mom used to say that our biggest suffering comes from comparing ourselves to others. This is so true – we do this all the time in life, whether consciously or unconsciously. We feel anxious when we hear about someone who mastered a particular piece in two months, and we are still chipping away at it after three. Or we are jealous of how fast someone has learned to produce a beautiful tone on their flute, and we feel that we are not even close to that goal.
My advice: Compare yourself only to yourself, nobody else. Look at your journey and how far you have come. Celebrate big and small milestones. Get back up after a setback and start over, it’s not the end of the world. As long as you are supporting and motivating yourself, first and foremost, the rest will be so much easier!
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